▸Me:
It's not just the term that bothers me. It's the entire concept.
▸Kristen:
What? Why is friendship negative between genders?
▸Me:
Friendship is not negative! *Friendzone* is! It's different.
▸Kristen:
Well, I classify ours as friendSHIP, not zone.
▸Me:
So do I. But all those years ago, you used the friendzone as an excuse, and I consider friendzoning to be an insufficient excuse. People say, "I value our friendship too much to try a relaysh" when they often mean "I am less interested in you romantically than I am friend-ish-ly." If the latter is how one feels, then that is what they should say. I think the standard meaning of 'friendzone' can lead people on or deceive them.
▸Me:
I don't see the 'potential ruining of a friendship' to be a valid concern on its own, because if both people are severely romantically interested, I think it's worth trying.
▸Me:
But maybe it's just that I am more concerned with romance than friendship. (Which is probably because I'm complacent about the value of friendship because I already have had the most epic best friend in the world for the past five years.)
▸Me:
*continues ranting* And also romance and friendship are not mutually exclusive, and I view romance as a superset of friendship.
▸Me:
You don't have to lose any part of friendship to be in a relationship. And yes, if that relationship ends, the friendship may as well; but the alternative is an awkward, asynchronous relationship where one person (or both) always has these feelings s/he cannot express.
▸Kristen:
Oui, but I have had experience with friendships ruined due to romance. I have learned to hang on to the ones I value greatly. I am about to lose another close friendship due to a "romance"—not my own, but it still affects everything—and I want to protect the people I treasure in my life, because there aren't very many of them. I took a chance with Logan, and it fortunately worked out well; but had it not, I would have lost a previously invested friendship.
▸Kristen:
And oui, maybe I am less interested in romance, but it could be for other reasons. Like practicality.
▸Me:
*sigh* I knoooow. Stupid seventeen-year-old hormonal Ed being blinded by love and impractical. Being a person is so difficult.
▸Me:
What I'm saying is that it's incredibly hard to put one's romantic feelings back in a box. It took me years, and the interim was filled with torturous longing and wondering would could be and what could have once been. And that loss feels just as real as losing a friend.
▸Me:
Except that you have to pretend you aren't feeling it, because you have to be a normal friend and not a broken, unrequited lover.
▸Kristen:
Aww, are you talking aboot me? I feel like a horrible friend. :(
▸Me:
You are not horrible. You are lovely.
▸Me:
You are you, and I am me, and people feel the way that they feel; everyone feels differently because everyone is different, which is simultaneously the most beautiful and painful thing in the world.
▸Kristen:
You are such a beautiful person. I wish to play a symphony of your thoughts.
▸Me:
I like that you use the term beautiful, alone and unqualified, to refer to something other than physical beauty.
